I was feeling quite heavy yesterday - to the point of being depressed - probably caused by multiple reasons: slog at work where progress is slower to come by, risk of not performing well, the cold weather and physically not feeling the best. I ended the night reading a newspaper article by Tom Robbins In Defiance of Gravity. He talked about standing on a bridge in Washington - ready to end his life - till he remembered something whimsical and unexpected uttered by one of his old colleagues at a club in New York. The memory of that whimsical act that flaunted rules, norms and expectations brought him back from the brink of ending his life. It’s a beautiful article and you should read and enjoy it. The article left me feeling lighter - something I needed last night.

Tom’s message appeared to carry deep wisdom. He talked about lightheartedness and serious play and crazy wisdom. He contrasted lightheartedness with lightweight - just because something is lighthearted does not mean it is lightweight. Just because it’s play does not mean it is not serious and gravely consequential. I feel the most alive when I’m lighthearted. I’m the most creative when I’m feeling playful - the world is full of possibilities in those moments. My ego also feels diminished in those moments. In contrast my self-preservation and self is more front and center when I’m feeling heavy - usually feeling miserable and lamenting how hard life is.

Grave consequence and play don’t exactly go well together. The stakes are high when something is consequential - high stakes aren’t known for triggering a playful response. You care a lot about something if it’s consequential; it makes you you tense up - physically as well as emotionally. That can help with intense focus. It can also lead to paralysis. Regardless I don’t recall ever being creative when tensed up - playfulness involves not caring about outcomes to a degree.

As an interesting aside: it’s hard not to be reminded of my experience when swimming. Staying afloat and swimming requires your body to be light and for you to let go and the consequences can be grave if you don’t and my natural reaction is generally to tense up and I struggle letting it go.

Another pattern I’ve seen is that of playfulness, curiosity and unbounded potential on day zero but gradual paralysis as the days go by and more effort is put on the project. The more I walk on a journey the more I learn about the problem and a sense of playfulness is helpful - if not critical - for working through roadblocks and making progress. Continued effort on a project - one whose outcome is consequential - can lead to a sense of paralysis and stagnation and that’s the opposite of what is often needed.

I don’t expect to come up with a solution to this gravely consequential delimma but I’ll attempt to take a lighthearted approach analyze the issue playfully.

What are some of the fears around adopting a playful attitude?

One fear that comes to mind is not taking the issue seriously enough. If we aren’t completely and intensely focused on the issue then we might not give it our all and take it lightly when the situation demands anything but. This is a legitimate fear - we do not want to take our eyes off the ball. A playful attitude does not have to imply a careless attitude. We do care a lot about a task when we are deeply and playfully engaged in it.

Another fear - somewhat related to the one above - is to keep around playing around without a sense of urgency and direction towards some goal (either the end goal or a milestone). This cuts two ways: not only as a fear but also an impediment. We’re often in an exploratory mode when playing and a sense of direction can be at odds with exploration; a sense of urgency and a clicking tock can also be an impediment to playfulness. Exploration can be directional and it’s generally helpful to keep it bounded so you can learn and iterate.

If some of the fears are unfounded, misguided or greatly exaggerated then what are some impediments to adopting a playful attitude towards gravely consequential situations?

If the stakes are high it is difficult to loosen up - there’s too much at stake and fear of losing kicks in. Not only is it difficult to perform your best when operating from a place of fear but fear can degrade performance to the point of paralysis. I wouldn’t go so far to say that you should operate from a place of courage but at least from a place of hope. It sounds like a rational move to make.

This poem has always spoken to me and this line in particular: “If hopes were dupes, fears may be liars;”.

Lightheartedness relieves some of the burden off your shoulders. It does not lessen the gravity of the situation - the situation remains just as high stakes before; it changes your perspective so you don’t get paralyzed and buried by the burden, recognize the inherent hope along with the risk in any situation and make the rational move to lighten up so you can stay afloat and swim on.